What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
