This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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