i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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