Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
