Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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