He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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