im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize