Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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