After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
