Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
