***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
