Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
