On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you had me at cake vodka
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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