Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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