Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
