I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
