the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
