I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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