I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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