Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The power of my boobs compel you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
