Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
