I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize