haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Swine flu. Run for my life!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
