all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
