we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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