white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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