I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
