Your dad touched me again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
