God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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