I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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