All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
