My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
