On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize