I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to be your penis for a week.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize