I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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