Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
whose parrot is this?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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