So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
