just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
