You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
