everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
