hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
