take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
