I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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