I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When are your genitals available?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
