9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need a beard to bite.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize