I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
