i was born a porn star she said
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
