I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
