I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
