dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
