i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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