So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize