I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
