No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
