he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize