they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
