So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
