Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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