UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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