You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
